For as long as I can remember, I’ve had a number stuck in my head. This number has nagged at me, tormented me, hung over my head, depressed me, teased me and just plain old made me miserable. We’ve had our moments of joy, but they are fleeting. What am I talking about? The number 135. Which up until July of this year was my goal weight.
I can’t remember when or who said it, but I heard somewhere a long time ago, that for women – for every inch over five feet tall you are, you should weigh five pounds over 100. I’m 5’7″ so that would mean I should weigh 135. I’m not saying this is correct and of course I know there are many other factors at play when determining how much you should weigh – I’m just telling you what I heard and what got stuck in my head and with what I’ve consumed myself with for a long, long time.
Not to brag or anything, but I’m pretty good at losing weight. Give me a few months and I can lose 20-30lbs. My methods have varied from fad diets to intermittent fasting to gluten free to Weight Watchers. The problem? I’m even better at quickly gaining the weight back. Maintaining weight loss? Not so much my specialty.
After I lost 36lbs on Weight Watchers last year I saw 134 on the scale. Of course, since 135 had been my goal I was ecstatic. I did it, woohoo! Then the warnings started coming – “Be careful not to get too thin,” they said. “You don’t want to lose too much weight.” I know people were just looking out for me but this threw my emotions into turmoil. How could I look like I was approaching being “too thin” when I was only 1lb under what I thought I was “suppose” to weigh? Should I be proud of my accomplishment or scared? Ultimately I became worried I was headed down a dangerous path so I decided to stop Weight Watchers – stop counting points and hope to just maintain and not lose anymore (and definitely not gain!)
Well fast forward another 6 months and I was almost right back to where I had started a year prior. In July I was introduced to the 21 Day Fix and I had a choice to make – should I say screw it, it’s just another program where I’ll lose the weight then gain it all back, or should I try again? I decided I had to try again. This time, however, things had to change.
I needed to seriously reflect and figure out where I had gone wrong in the past. Why could I lose weight and not keep it off? What was I doing to self-sabotage again and again? Since Weight Watchers had been my most recent experience with losing weight and then gaining it back I focused on what I did there and one thing stuck out in my mind – the scale.
While I’ve always been fixated with hitting that magic number on the scale – Weight Watchers really magnified this obsession with its focus on weekly weigh-ins. I thought back to my weigh-ins and how I felt. The day before my weigh-in day I became anxiety ridden – how had I done the past week? Were my efforts going to be reflected on the scale? What if I gained? Would I be able to pinpoint where I went wrong? And then there were the thoughts and the questions that came after the weigh-in. If I lost, I felt great – but if I didn’t lose or heaven forbid if I had gained – the negative self-talk ensued….and boy is my inner voice a real asshole.
My real problem was that a “bad” weigh-in did not spur me into action to exercise more, or be more conscientious of my food intake. When I had a bad weigh-in I just wanted to give up. What was the point? I couldn’t do it. I should just stop stressing myself out over counting points and forget it. And guess what would happen? I’d be so upset with myself, so stressed, so frustrated – this would cause me to eat! Of course that wasn’t helping anything, but I’ve always been an emotional eater and the read out on the scale was a huge trigger.
So things were going to change. I decided with the 21 Day Fix I was going to “start” for the last time…and this time it would be WITHOUT THE SCALE. Why should how I feel be controlled by a number on a stupid scale? My plan was to just follow the program and focus on NSV’s (non-scale victories.)
I focus on how I’m feeling, how my clothes fit, how I feel when I look in the mirror… Can I see differences in my pictures? (If you follow me on Instagram you know I am not lacking in the selfie department for picture comparison☺.) I’ve been following the 21 Day Fix meal plan and doing the workouts since July and I have no idea how much I weigh and I’ve never felt better! I feel strong, I fell confident, I feel happy. As long as I’m eating healthy and exercising I know that my weight will take care of itself. I may or may not hit 135 but for the first time in a very, very long time I DON’T CARE. This is seriously the best feeling in the world. There aren’t days I dread because I know I “have to” get on the scale. I don’t have to deal with the possible ramifications of emotional eating after an unpleasant weigh-in. I can just keep on keepin’ on!
So this my friends is why I have no answer to the question, “How much weight did you lose the first round of the 21 Day Fix?” Because I have no idea! I have however gained the tools I need to eat healthy, exercise, and live a healthy and fit lifestyle without fixating on any stupid number.
What is your relationship with the scale like? Do you get discouraged if the number doesn’t show what you think it should? Or does it drive you to work harder? If your relationship with the scale is anything like mine – perhaps you’d considering giving it the ol’ heave-ho too! I would love to hear your thoughts in the comments below!
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